okay so my trip to seattle was so much fun. i already wrote about my first dsy there...and not much happened when i was on vashon except realizing how much i fucking missed it. really though! i never thought i would miss it like i do. i found this awesome place on craigslist. here are some really amazing pictures of it:






beautiful isnt it?!?! It is someones summer home and they are renting it from sept until may of 2009. i think that is JUST PERFECT! i really hope they don't rent it out before I get out there. I guess im buying my ticket 2marrow to fly out there on sunday. blake said he'll even get the telly for me. I'll hit my jugs all day. he was all asking me if ive had sex for 4 hrs since him n i did. man i really really really dont know how we went for 4 fuckin hours. its just flat out fucking amazing. i wana srceam "SO TOP THAT!" so yah anywho. the girls (har and tuula) are just so adorable! i cannot believe how much tuula has grown up. i mean when doug and i went out there she was soo little! but shit, shes almost 2 now. Harley is in ballet and shannon showed me her performance. I almost cried dude. really. so sad that i made promises I wouldnt miss it. jamie said her and james showed up with tall stem roses or is it long stem? well regardless, the show was sold out n so they didnt even get to see it! jamie is preggers and is due like a day off xmas. so adorable! its guna be a girl. her and james found a really cute place over there on the south end close to shannons. im soooo excited for those 2! i want the best for them. my mom has a cordless keyboard and mouse and im sittin at the complete opposite side of the room and the shits still working! how amazing! i cant even see over there if im making any typos though so this is just a test to see how great i am....at typing!
shut up!
umm....what else..yah well i talked to blake and hes all...ru serious this time? and im like..yah im serious about us being complete fuck buddies again. if thats what you;re asking then hell to tha yah im excited. but no im not about to give you my money. no no no! hes guna think its all gravy tho. i know hes really tryna jus smack. me too. i cannot get my fucking hip roll down and its making me more and more irate as the days go by. i need to just focus reeally hard one day and i know ill get it.ok so everything went smoothley when i left seattle, but when i flew in they were saying how there were major thunderstprms. landing was perfect and i got my luggage and hoped ina cab. but thats where we went wrong. this person...claims the were famous...hold on i got tha name in my cell...willie dotson. he/she? said to google them. so ima do that riiight now.
welp...there wasnt anything for me to even look at. that cab driver musta been full of shit. and my next comment on them will also explain why. we get to millenium station after hearing many songs made up about me under the name of britni. lol. he/she said: "you so smart, pretty and sexy miss britni, you coming to tha town if chicagoooo where the wind blowss and the horns bloww. music all round and you bring nothing like a frown. yoiu're the best thing to hit this town, ms britnis shining in this storm." la da dlaa! i was smiling and laughing the whole time. then he/she expected me to praise them like woah! himers all "i dont like to brag, but im famous"
a famous cabbie?
lol. so then we get to millenium and fo-willie DOESNT HAVE CHANGE FOR A 50?????? how you gon brag the wehole way bout being famous and havin VERY successful children (5 daughters) who r all very successful..n u dont have change for a goddamn fiddy? Bitch ur lucky i had that. usually just hundos. get off me!
so then laimo has to take me to mcdonalds for change. i miss my train so i know i have lotsa time. get some food, run out now that i have change for the driver...its starting to get stormy!  I get down into the station and fuckin chow down on the mcds. hot men all around and i dont give a fuck. im shoving as many fries into my head as possible. even ate some through my nose possibly. asnyways, some large lady comes and sits next to me saying how theres police driving around on their loudspeakers telling everyone to get inside and tack cover. the tornado sirens were going off downtown and the storm came. i guess there was a tornado here in michigan city too. yowzas!!! they load the train at 845 but then made us all sit in there for what...2 fucking hrs before it moved. on top of the fact that everyone around me reeked like nasty rain on top of nasty b.o. on top of nasty all day drinking cubs fans. EWWWW!!!! we utlimitely ended up getting free passes...buuut fuckin a. i shoulda recieved 10 free rides for that shit. i sst on the gad damn train from chicago to mc longer than i sat on the plane from seattle to tha chi, WOW! not okay. really tho. and back to back...nuh uh!! hate it! welllll...im guna go shopping tomarrow. kara and i had plans, but she bailed on me. laime. im still guna go tho. its whatever. im scared to tell mom and dad that im leaving.
i told mom that i went to seattle this past weekend. she wasnt happy. but its over with.
ken grabbed some dro for me tonight. that was sweet. it was alright, i got pretty high i guess. i found out tonight that you can have like friends on pandora.com!! worlds best idea ever! i saw the first cloned dog on the news today.
in the news right now theres some crazy bitch whose daughter had been missing for like 30 days before she told anyone. psycho is in jail now and acts not how a worried mother should act. she apparentley took gas cans from her parents, and then borrowed a shovel from the neighbor! weird! i guess there was blood or something in the trunk that they're going to be testing. its a sad story but it makes me want to be a detective. she either killed her and tried to cover it up...or she did something wrong and someone took her kid n said they weren't giving her back until they paid her the money she owed. or something. i dont know the case is weird and crazy.casey and caley.
that poor little girl deserves a better momma! =[
i want to be a mom so bad. i kinda want blake to get me preggers. maybe i miiiight tell him im on bc and let him cum inside me. should i? that wouiold be really wrong huh? i just wont tell him...ill just do it. =] eeek. 
that place for rent has a hot tub! how perfect would that be? JUST FUCKING PERFECT!!!! no garage tho. kinda laime.
well...im ready are you there vodka, its me chelsea. shes hella funny, but she shouldnt have chuey edit next time.
LMAO.
welp, thats all for now. savan was really nice to me today. gota love her.
but no...this is my note to myself.
if blake and i arent working, then blake and i arent working. but under absolutely any circumstances...i will not fuck with anybody. really. that is not what i need in life right now. not at all. i need to stay focused and STAY focused.
gooooodnight!
=]

I am lazy. Still in my pajammrz...but I want to head to the beach.
If I wouldn't have gotten in that accident then i would have a whip to roll around in, but since im dumb and rear ended the old lady...im lazier and lazier. If that's a word...?
I guess my whole family says they are concerned about me and they think i smoke too much weed. is that even possible? smoking too much weed....ya fuckin right!!!!! i dont smoke enough! lol. naw i smoke just whenever i want to, maybe thats why they think i do it too much. but if im not working then hell ya ill smoke all day. whats the big deal? its a medicine so everyone can just shut the fuck up.
ill probably be smoking weed 4everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yumma yumma in muh tumma ye diiiigggggg?!?!?

ive been searching online all day so far trying to find a good fucking club to work at when i head to europe. i dont even know where to fly into at all...i guess i need to do a lot more studying up on the areas and clubs. i read this thing that a female from santa cruz went to tokyo and tried out or w/e....the guy hired her and they moved her into her own apt for free and she only had to pay the club 40 bucks a night. she did say that they told her she could make a thousand a night, but she said her best night was only 500. laime. she was new and didnt know what she was doing tho probably. plus she only did table dances. ill do lap and dates afterwards DUH!!!!!! haha. yah i think i could make some money there. the thing i read also said that the clubs will fly the bitches out there. what if i dont even have to pay for airfare?! HELLZ YAZ!

i went to the beach 2 days ina row...wana go now but i think ill just smoke some more weed and then go for a walk or something along those lines. maybe go down state street and get my five fingers on.

yesterday i started to make some fuckin sketches of swimsuits. my masha said when i get there shes gunna help me and show me how to use the sewing machine and all that sweet jazz. im so stoked. i wana start making stripper gear! really tho....i could make a lot of money off of that extra little shit and its something i enjoy ya know. i told my mom too... said a lot of the swim wear can be stripper wear as well. well visa versa but whatevey. i wish i had some friends! i mean...all my old friends are all so squizzare and they dont agree with my life anymore. so i guess that just means to not be cool with me anymore. i think people are soooo hypocritical! my best friend...like bestest bestest friend ever since hella long ago....is being laime. we never get to see eachother but shes visiting fam and so was i and the bitch knew i was in town. she never called to hang out or anything. then i left and came back and she knew i was there AGAIN....and yet again, the bitch made no plans with me or made any fucking effort to kick it. grrr. she wrote me a myspace message saying shes been distant and this is why......well ima just copy and paste the email and then my response. hahahaaha after my response shes been callin me everyday trying to make up for the way she has been acting towards me. really...thats cool and all....but i still know how she is and all and i know a true friend when i have one. she is not one, but shes still a good friend. i still love her, just cant exactly trust her like that. 


So-
I won't be able to kick it today. Megan and Katherine have been plannin a day in Chicago so I won't be back until tomorrow. I just want to let you know that I love you, but as you can tell I've been distant. I haven't really been able to talk because I don't really know what to say. I have a lot going on, tryin to drop John, be happy and get over this depression thing I have goin on, and just setting goals for myself so I can do some more cool shit. It's hard to talk to you when you're talkin about hangin with people who have felonies, and your goin out doin crazy shit, runnin from the cops, ect. I don't love you any less, its just that we don't have much in common. You said that your job was to just get you on your feet, and it seems like its become a lifestyle. It's been like 9 months now.. I just want you to be stable- happy- and have people around you that actually care about you. Lately when we talk on the phone, it feels like I'm not even talking to you, Sunshine! It's weird-- I dont really know what to say but I'd appreciate if you wrote me back and let me know what you're thinking. I hope you aren't offended or anything by this letter, I just think by telling you this it may help out our relationship because you are still my bestest! I just am trying to be positive, do some cool shit, and have people in my life encouraging me to do it and are doin things themselves. I know how smart and capable you are.. its hard for me to see you ridin a rollercoaster of uncertainty. I love you.

Kara

Response from muaaahhhhhhh:

well i appreciate the letter and everything you have to say...
i dont really feel like writing back...but i will.
i think its funny u say we dont have anything in common anymore. id like it if you wrote me a list of what we did have in common before that isnt there anymore. and about john, well i thought i was the friend u talked to about all of that...so0o0 dont try to tell me ur going thru a lot blah blah blah.
and u say u want to have friends who have goals like you...and i guess you're not including me in that list...which doesnt make sense. i just bought a fuckin 3 bdrm condo in cali which is where ive always wanted to live. i dono how that isnt a good accomplishment and step towards my goals. but i suppose thats just how you feel.
your little rendezvous with the old married man on your ship is all i can think about when you try to talk to me about my lifestyle.
i was in town a while back and u knew and u didnt make any effort to see me, and here i am again, and again, i feel like you dont have any interest in hanging out.
which is cool...i get it now.
you say u want me to surround myself with good ppl who love me and whatnot, but im around and dont see you.
sorry im more concerned about getting money to support myself and make something of myself as to where all your other friends just drink and party. u know thats not my thing. its a waste of money, and makes all u girls just look extra sluty.
u making out with hella different ppl in one day is disgusting. if u wana start talking about lifestyles. stop trying to act like you're so much better than what you are. u cant pick up the phone and say this shit to my face? you really shock me kara.
have fun doing "cool things" okay?
keep my name out of your mouth.
u do u
ima do me
u know i got love for you, but until i see some changes i dont have much interest in this so-called friendship.

hahah yah iknow laime. nut i just hada tell her how it really is. she emailed me immediately about some other shit so i think she got the picture and maybe a little slap in the face. we spoke with eachother on the phone for the first time in months the other day and just listening to her speak made me cringe. she was saying so much that i wanted to point out and be like see....you're not and honest person you're not perfect you're not what you think you are. i didnt say shit though. i think sometimes she gets too caught up in what she has succeeded in making everyone else think of her and she believes herself. i do the same though. i want everyone to think im okay so i lie about shit ya know. i lie to make myself seem like a better person i guess. but when im speaking with her or my sisters or w/e i know the difference between the real me and the "good" me. i dono. shes just.....maybe its cuz of her age, maybe? i have no clue...but im finna call her out on it when i see her on saturday. i fly back to the chi on saturday.
im so nervous to see my parents and all...theyve been so worried about me so im just goin back there to prove to them all that i am indeed just fine. They practically did an intervention type thing with me. they think ineed a lot of help but really i dont. but ya know what, if they want me to move there and live with them for free and work my debt off then fine....ill do that! ill live for free and ride the train into chicago everyday! hellz yah. im excited....but worried they're guna start asking too many questions to where ill wana leave. i doubt ill actually live with them for more than what...a month to two months.
we'll see.
anyways...ive gottttsss to gizzo
n smoke a bizzowl
not off that snow
never gone so low to do blow
thats why i need my weed
tha kind with no seeds
thats just whata bitch needs!!!!!

 I would put the following 3 things in tha damn time capsule.......

-my new kids on the block jacket
-pics
-some of the best greenery ina very tightly sealed jizzar

Well guess what..j peepers already wrote me back! hes all...how much do you have and where do you want to go? i havent decided what im writing back yet, but i will keep this shit updated! Im on this writing tip yet again. i want to start writing more thats not just my personal shit ya know. on the home page of this theres always like a little writers block section to give people an idea of something to write about for the day. cool. im guna try it today i think.
heading to the beach soon....i really need to work on some sun on my skin dar!
i was reading over this whole journal and its so unbelievable that shannon gave bebe away to rachel. wow it really makes mesooooo mad. I wrote in here hella long ago that her and i had a conversation...and i specifically wrote (even in bold letters) that if she wanted to get rid of bebe to please not give her to anyone else. PLEASE! and what did she do? just exactly that....without talking to me first. mmm it feels oh so good to be betrayed. REALLY! 

miss you my little beetle-butt!!!!!!!!!!

 4am...
my sisters house.
its cold and eerie when its nightly dreary.
my fingertips have no feeling and my nipples have meaning.
i want to sing like ive never sung before
but my throats been infested, and hurts like im dying.
maybe i am
i cant start crying...
crying over my stupidity
whos fault..
nobody by thine own.
this brownies are mushy
gushy with a cooked feeling.
throw on the smiths
start to feel the saddest bliss
shes yearning for a kiss
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.



well...i havent been writing cuz im not in my own place and dont have my own shit. im so glad  im not a god damn nanny anymore. PHEW! i hated that shit. well enoch was awake a minute ago, but he has now turned off the lights and tried to fall asleep. i hope im not keeping him awake. i need him to fall asleep tho because i really gotta take a shit damnit. i know ew right? alright well...im guna go back to sleep cuz im finally working tomarrow i think. if i can get my license and everything i NEED to get in there and working. ive been here so long and havent gotten shit done. it makes me hella mad!!! GRRR. What else makes me mad is when blake gets the same fucking rental as jp. same color and all. ohh how uncool. whatever. i cant help it. I wanted the licoln mkx. i told him that but he didnt get it. i asked him to do me a simple favor n ask what their monthly rates are for that car and he didnt fuckin do it for me. ASS!!!!!!!!
im out..im only bitching
xo

yessir. my man is back in the us. woop woop.
although he said he was just runnin into tha homies for a min and hed hit me back...im sure theyre jus talkin hella since they aint seen eachother ina min. 
beth told me that this house is sitting on top of an old burial ground. wow. cool, just what i wana fuckin hear. haha. i have to wake up soon and im not excited...hold on im finna roll up this blunt before it gets too late and i start writing a fucking novel. i still cant believe giovanni has my journal. thats just like...not cool at all. like...at all at all. boooo that sucks. i keep thinkin hes gunna sell my raps or some shit. lol. or make fun of me in some way. but whatever it is, i hate him for it. i just wish, i just wish that shit never ever happened. hes all, karmas a bitch. ugh i hate that.
shit here i go...i gotta roll this. brb
blake just fuckin texted nite babe
fuck that
i sent back thx for tha call bia...sorry i jus called u bia ha
hahahaha
well he hasnt sent anything back yet, but i was expecting him to jus call. god he makes me mad. hes already lying. i can tell. i dont think he stayed at his moms last night like he told me he was. eww that makes me feel weird thinkin about that shit. 
ok my fuckin mirror keeps making scary CRACKING noises. ahhh and indian ghost. uhhh what thaa fuck. 
blakes tryna text but i just cut him off by saying..shoes?
lol.
yahhhh
ok so im guna try to sleep now. im always wondering what the hell i wrote about giovanni in that journal. or if i even wrote about him. i think i wrote a lot about when he hit me...maybe. i hope i did. i hope i fucking wrote something in there about how much of an ass he is for doing that to me. i bet hes like damn this girl is a hoe. cuz i write aout different people all the time. like i have a lot of ppl to talk about. well...dudes. but im like, that journal was the beginning of my who entertainment career. thats hella weird. i want that so bad. really bad. im gunna be so sad if one day that gets out and embarasses me. ill be really devastated!
shut up about that already.
goodnight. wish me luck with tha ghostss!
i miss kara.

missing blake like always.
watching legally blonde with savannah. im watching the kids all night so i hafta sleep in the big house. scary. we made some brownies but they were nasty. just chewy thats all. sweet thought tho haha. 
i dont really know what to say. ive got to wake up failry early to bring the kids to school and all...sheisty. 
what should i do? should i keep this job? uhhhh
i wanted to start this detox diet thing 2marrow....but when i went to the store, they didnt have anything i needed. i thought that maybe it was a sign...or maybe it wasnt.
ryan went to bed really quick tonight. which is amazing. and awesome.
savannah just left. sucks she hasta drive all the way back, but now she knows how i feel when i leave her place hella fuckin late.
i wana see my man more than anything! i dont want anything else but to see him and hug him. and kiss too. oh n well u know what else. haha. mannn i just wana see him and kisss him soooo sooo much and just see his smile and be happy. i just want him.
its only 930 and im finna fall asleep.
i couldnt sleep till like 430 am last night. then i hada wake up early and go pick up the kids from their little sleep party thing and then i definitely let them watch waaay too much tv today. haha. whatevey. hopefully they wont like tell their dad n shit. except that they might just watch the fuckin film and see that they were sitting in here for hours. not hours, prolly just an hr and a half. then i got smart and let them go into my room and watch some more haha. but theres not cameras in my room, so that was a smooth move on my part! bahahahaaaa.
i wonder how karas doing, i bet shes missin john. 
ok well im tired and dont have shit to say except that i miss blake. a lot. i cannot wait to see him again.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
love him!

UHHHH!!!! blake finally wrote me:

Subject: Aye!!!!!!!!!!